Sunday, 26 April 2015

Almost


It's a funny feeling being here. So hard to describe. Yet when you mention it to someone who's been here too they just know the feeling, and without a description. It's being in a space of waiting yet a space of readiness. A space in-between. An almost.

It's a wanting to force time to move faster.
It's knowing surrender is the only answer.
It's understanding this is so much bigger than me.
It's wondering. Wondering about time, how events will unravel, about you, about the four of us becoming five. 

And it's craving. Craving that sweet explosion of love I will feel when you first enter my arms. 

38 weeks. So close. So very close. For now I breathe and send love to you, little one. And I embrace this moment; this feeling, us here and now. Knowing that despite living this almost feeling three times now, this will be my last.

xx


Monday, 2 February 2015

Big breaths, no tears


Big breaths have been taken this past week.

Because I'm trying my very best to get in some full nurturing breaths and create some extra comfort for me and room in this fast growing belly for baby.


Because focusing on my breath reminds me to slow.

Because I can't seem to schedule a yoga class this pregnancy, despite plenty of trying. And breathing is my favourite part of yoga.

Because we let go of our little girl that little bit extra this week and watched her dance on into her prep classroom, eager as ever for school to begin. There were no tears from her, and no tears from me but the letting go certainly stung a little.

Big breaths too because seeing her off to school saw me consumed by anxiety at the very last minute. Because what if I hadn't given her enough, shown her enough, taught her enough, been there enough... so many what ifs filled my head one sleepless night. And then early in the morning sleep finally arrived, as I comforted myself in the thought that I probably wasn't alone in feeling this way and remembered I've loved her as much as my whole heart can love, and isn't love always enough?

More big breaths to come this next week as miss three sets off for kindergarten. And with both my babes busy learning and having fun for five hours one day a week I plan on carving out a little time each morning before I get stuck into work that involves breathing, and pretty much nothing else. A few minutes where it's just me, the sound of the waves, time to just be and time to connect with baby. Creating space to slow, to tune in, to love. Creating space and joy.


xx

Wishing you nurturing breaths this week, and the next. Has this week been filled with starting something new for you too? x

~ Love that my hubby captured this image of me and my big girl on her first school morning. We had plenty of smiling photos. And then when I thought he had stopped snapping, she turned to me with a big hug: "Today is soooo exciting Mummy." 

Saturday, 3 January 2015

What's missing // one word


As I navigated my way through last year with honour as my guiding word, I was so very aware of all that was missing in my days. As well as the rituals, choices and activities I was consciously choosing that honoured my heart, body and mind, of course. But the missing things, they just really stood out. 

Ever so slowly I started adding these back into my life. I wondered how they disappeared in the first place, and saw that it was so easy to bench the things that lifted me up in order to get the day-to-day done. 

But, and this is the best part, when I added those missing things in (hello five minutes solo time sitting at the beach before heading to work; reading and getting immersed in fiction once again; more playing with my girls and scrapping our so-called agenda for a while and letting spontaneity take hold a little more often) I felt so much more alive. 

I felt like I was honouring the true me. And doing this brought me more energy, more time for what I wanted to do and what needed to be done. It bought me closer to my heart. And I found more energy to give.

It's also lead me to this year's word: joy. In fact by late last year, I knew joy was the one. Because all those missing bits equated to adding little sprinklings of more joy back into my days. 

So there it is - a wish, an intention, for joy to be my guide. And with a new little one to join our family mid this year, joy + love are so much in my heart and on my mind right now.

xx

~ Sharing my one word with Maxabella Loves here


Have you chosen a guiding word this year? Any wishes, hopes or plans for 2015? xx