Sunday, 19 June 2016

Here and now


I have been so very aware of the here and now this past month. My here and now. Their here and now. Our here and now. 

Aware and in tune with the three little hearts that have a forever hold on mine. 

I feel myself watching them grow from a distance. Stepping back a little so I can really see.

And then, because that distance can never last more than a minute, all at once I'm up close... taking in their every word and emotion... holding little hands, stroking chubby cheeks, reading make-believe adventure books aloud, listening attentively to jumbled so-much-to-tell-you stories, brushing long brown unruly hair... all the while looking into big deep brown eyes that sparkle with a wonder, curiosity, joy and love that I desperately want to know more about. 

Change has been thrust upon us. So much change. New patterns, new people, new places. I felt lost, overwhelmed, unsure. And so I took a deep breath, and consciously slowed my pace. And they've slowed to join my rhythm. 

In this new-found presence, it feels like we've fallen in love all over again. It feels like despite the daily rush, we have a little hold on time. We've fallen into our rhythm, one that ebbs and flows in a way that feels much much better than okay.

And so, discarded autumn leaves have been transformed into fairy crowns // drawing has become a family affair // the smallest of outings now stand strong as bright big love-filled heart-thumping memories and our snuggled-in-bed chatter has lingered too late for a school night {but how I secretly love that they both always have more to say}. 

And I've found myself the collector of heart moments, trying desperately to tuck all these memories deep within me in a place where I won't forget the words, emotions and expressions... From here is where I begin to write, and from here is where I end my day {in thanks}. 


xx

It's been quite a while between posts. I've been so consumed with my here and now, making what's felt like such big decisions, and trying so desperately to stay present for my three girls that I've pulled away from this creative space I love. I'm so happy to be back. How have you been? How is your here and now? Much love, Elisa x 

~ Still working away at the free prints & meditation resources I'll be sending out soon! I'll be sure to post when they're ready, but you can sign up for them early here too. 

Monday, 11 April 2016

Dreaming and beginning


A few weeks ago, and then again last night, I found myself scrolling through job advertisements, pondering roles that looked amazing and that I ticked all the boxes for in terms of experience/skill... but roles I don't actually want and couldn't possibly do right now as a mum to my three girls. So why waste my times reading all those position descriptions? Because dreams. 

I've been dreaming vividly about various roles I could hold, books I could write, websites that could inspire, visions I could create. Dreaming and waiting. And wondering when the time to begin will begin... All the while finding myself so very much in the here and now, consumed with where we are at. Savouring these moments, but unable to stop the dreaming...

Then, in the past few weeks, these three things have happened. 

1. I text a friend the job roles I couldn't apply for but she could; and was reminded that where I am is pretty damn amazing. Mum to three beautiful girls; an abundance of love and beautifully messy days. 

2. While clearing old papers, I found a single scroll tied with pink ribbon. I knew what it was immediately. A wish. One of three wishes. I'd created them seven years and two houses ago, before becoming a mum and after reading a novel about a year of wish making. I opened the scroll and read: "I wish my three beautiful babies into existence." I don't think it's a coincidence that just one scroll and that particular one {my wish come true} was there waiting to be found. And I have no idea what has happened to the other two, or what I wished for.

3. A random memory popped into my thoughts this morning. Fifteen-year-old me hearing about dreams that stayed dreams; and being urged to try all that I wished for. I was sure I'd blogged about it, so looked it up and yes it's here. Turns out I've been back in that place, and almost two years to the date. 

So, this past fortnight I've given myself time to write, when the baby sleeps, at night before bed... whenever the smallest window of time appears. I've let ideas fly, words flow and my heart soar. And I realised there's never a perfect time to begin, there's just now. And so I began once more. 

xx

Do you have a dream? Or, like me, are you forever dreaming? And have you begun? Elisa x


~ A loving thank you to those who have added their email here for the free prints and meditation/mindfulness resources I'll be sending out this year! I'm working on them in between mothering my three beautiful girls and while it's taking much longer than I hoped and promised, I'm choosing to trust time and so excited to soon send you a bundle of love and mindfulness {prints, words and meditation/mindfulness resources} from my heart and inspired by my meditation training and home practices. Elisa xx

Friday, 15 January 2016

One word // Surrender


Towards the end of last year it felt like I was given no choice but to surrender. And still I resisted it.

I had big plans for 2015. Bigger than big plans - a return to study, new work commitments and a few personal projects up my sleeve too, and daily blog writing (ha!) 


The universe, of course, had other ideas but did promptly offer me my asked-for serving of big - in the form of our darling Ruby. 2015 was BIG in the best way

It pushed me to rediscover myself, but mostly reminded me who I am and who I am striving to be.

I got better at letting go of the big {end} picture, instead focusing on doing what I could with what I had. 

I came to believe that would be enough. That my best is as much as I can do. 

I discovered so much more about trust. And that my intuition is always spot on. 

I learnt to ask. And how to let my heart answer.

I improved at listening. And finally accepted that it's hard for me not to talk.

I realised that people like to help. And I realised that I'm pretty good at helping and supporting myself.

I discovered that in doing less, I am able to give more. And in surrendering to this, I have felt more alive than I ever have.


Almost two weeks ago I caught myself holding my breath. As I exhaled, the word surrender rolled off my tongue. 

I knew immediately it was my one word for this year. My reminder to go slowly, to be present, to be kinder to myself. 


xx

Have you chosen one word to guide your year? Do you set intentions? I'd love to know. Elisa x

~ Sharing my one word with Bron at Maxabella Loves here.

~ I'm excited to be finally putting my meditation training to good use this year. I'll be creating and soon sending out {monthly is the plan!} some free mindful word/photography prints, plus affirmations and journalling/meditation practices and prompts to go with them. If that sounds like your thing, feel free to add your email address via the form here